Aladdin, chinese?.....I sincerely hope not

So here is my glorified piece on Aladdin versus China. I originally wrote this to one Jordan "Gordon" Torbiak as an email response to him. I felt there was no need to change teh story for it is far too perfect, nor do i want to spend more time writing than i absolutely, positively, neccessarily have to. I just want to note that I respect professor horatio hufnagel's opinion. He does bring up valid points, though i have trouble believing that some chinese people would actually name there child a brown name. Cause brown people would sure as hell not name their child a chinese name, like.....do they want to get shot? Num sayin? Anyways, I am a firm believer that Aladdin is from India or that time's "Arabia" (hence Arabian nights) and moved to china when he was a wee baby. And for the other characters with brown names, they must have done the same. Especially the princess, because I'm sure she was beautiful, and teh chinese people can't deny beauty when they see it. Cause they don't see it that often....ohhhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry, I'm racist, but trully I love chinese people, they just can't seem get the concept of holding doors open for other people.

Anyways.....before I appear more racist then I actually am (you should here me talk about natives...) I will copy and paste the email essay.....here it goes....

___________________________________

Hello Gordon, AKA Jordan, AKA Hummingbird (alluding to a supposably
condescending msn conversation). How is life in the Great White North? By
white, i mean the dominant race, and by that i mean the chinese. I had an
interesting conversation with adam about a related topic once...

We (Adam and I) were discussing the origins of the character Aladdin. In
the first line of the story it says Aladdin is a boy from China. Seeing
this i automatically think that this guy is on crack. Aladdin is not a
chinese name, Aladdin is my real name (whoops i said the loud part quiet and
the quiet part loud) and I am not chinese. Therefore I assumed that the
author meant that Aladdin was born in China, and the story takes place
somewhere else (Aladdin must have moved to Agrabah after being born in
China), near to China however, because in those days china boys could not
get far by foot. Our beloved, though often confused friend, Mr. Horatio
Hufnagel (Adam) believes that Aladdin is chinese. Do you see the dilemna?
If not, please do not read further for your mind will not be able to
comprehend my elaborate discussion below.

So the question is, "Is Aladdin chinese?" I would like you first to
consider the facts and come up with a conclusion for yourself. If you are
unable to do so, hopefully my insight will assist you in your contemplation.

Is Aladdin chinese? Apparently, to Mr. Oofen-oggle he is. But to me,
another question is brought up. What is chinese? When I think of chinese i
think of people who do not show sufficient manners when it comes to proper
sidewalk walking. Other than that, to be chinese is to be a member of the
chinese race, in my opinion. If I was born in China, would people consider
me chinese. I would think (and sincerely hope) not. This justifies the
reasoning that society interprets the chinese, as people of the chinese
race, and not necessarily from that country. Mr. Jeffrey Quon is a member
of that race, and he is considered chinese. He is not from China, and
therefore this example provides another proof to my claim.

Now to counter, Mr. Adam (currently employed at 7-11, after spending 4
months in beautiful Uruguay, a strange justaposition don't you think?) says
that I (me) am Canadian because I was born there. This is true. So
wouldn't that make Aladdin chinese because he was born there? An
interesting point.

But once again back to our dear friend Mr. Quon, he is Canadian and he is
Chinese. Strange, yes? Is it possible that Jeff was born in both China and
Canada? Or perhaps, he and his twin brother were both born at the same time
by identical clones of their mother, in two seperate countires, and were
later recombined in to one small (and i mean small!) package, here in
Canada.

Or possibly Jeff is soo old that he was born back in the day when pangaea
(that's the name of the one supercontinent, back when the continents were
all one) and just happened to be born on the border between Canada and
China. That would explain his freakish knowledge (although mine is
superior, and possibly you think the same of yours as well, but we only
think so, because subconciously we are jealous of his knowledge, though it
is very possible we are still superior to him and we choose not to try as
hard, or at least this is true for me) since he has existed for so long and
has seen all, and grown none.

It is also possible that he is a robot, constructed by his creators Mary and
Dick Quon (supposed parents), and they said he is both chinese and canadian,
some kind of super robot, one might say. This would also explain his
freakish knowledge, for a robot knows no limits to knowledge. This would
also explain his height deficiencies for we all know robots don't grow.
After saying all this I mean no disrespect to Mr. Quon, he just happened to
fit well into my story and was useful in developing my point.

Now, taken altogether, what does this all mean? Well China and Canada are
both nations, right? But a Canadian is undoubtedly considered someone from
Canada, while a Chinese is considered someone from that particular race. If
Aladdin was from Canada and then moved to Agrabah, he would be considered
Canadian. If Aladdin was born in China, he would be considered from China
but not chinese. Its all a matter of context and denotation. In Canada, a
Canadian is not a member of the Canadian race, for their is no Canadian
race. Their is a chinese race, as far as society is concerned. And so
Aladdin is not chinese; he is not a member of the race. He is bad and
brown, and proud of it.

I hope this has been as enlightening for you as it was exciting for me to
write this. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to
contact me at majidiq@hotmail.com. If you ever see someone who has, or know
of people who suffer from the same dilemna, please inform them with your
knew found knowlede of Aladdin vs. China.

Anyways, g'day to you Commissioner Gordon.

Always a pleasure,

~ Majid

______________________________________

So yeah there's the story, the true story. I hope I have inspired you all to write great works such as this. Oh just a little sidenote: I mention Jeff a lot, and I have nothing against Jeff, cause he be cool. God, I hope he don't read this. Anyways, enjoy my essay and have a good life for the next few days, for i will be unable to post for my compy will be disconnected, and moved to the new internetless house. So I will be without communication for a few days, and tv.....my beloved tv. But if I can survive that, you may just barely be able to survive those days without my wisdom. G'day to y'all, you are forever in my heart.

~ Fresh Prince Ali

The origin of Princies, by Charles Darwin

So yeah.......



This is a story all about how,
My life got twist-turned upside down.
And like to take a minute, just sit right there.
I'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called belair.

West philadelphia born and raised.
On the playground i used to spend most of my days.
Chilling out max and relaxing all cool,
And then shootin some b-ball outside the school.

When a couple of guys, they were up to no good.
Started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got one little fight and my mom got scared,
And said "your moving with your auntie and uncle in belair!"

I was whistling for a cab, and sumthing sumthing
sumthing
And that's how i became the prince of a town called belair.



.........And that is the story of Prince Ali, and how he became himself. The name was taken from the movie alladin, as most of you would know. However, since alladin is supposedly chinese (although clearly the name and the skin says he is not), he is a disgrace to teh name Prince Ali, and I have taken it from him for I am more than worthy of it.

~ Fabulous he, he be, Prince Ali


PS) If you would like to learn more about the true origins of Alladin, I did some research and wrote an essay in the form of an email once, and so, if you wish to hear, please comment so. If you do no I will post it anyways maybe.....

The hour is upon us...

Today is the day i register to the university of which i wish to enrol in. I shall give it an inconspicuos name, so that i can refer to the university, without actually writing "university". Hmmmm, perhaps I shall call it u of t. Now no one will be able to recognize. Mr. Ali, you are a genius!

Anyways, I wish to enter into this u of t, but now i must pick classes. I transferred from another school; a school that i will use as a backup plan, if indeed this u of t thingy, does not work out. Unfortunately, I was missing organic chem, which is a required first year course for the program i was applying for. Unfortunately, at queen's (there i have given you all a name, see how patience has payed off?) organic chem is not a first-year course. So now if i do get into u of t, my schedule will be all screwed up and complicated, and one little slip in it, and i may be doen for. But first things first i need this class, that is key.

I am not first year so i do not have priority. I know what you are all thinking, "but you are prince ali!!!". I know, I know my friends, but i cannot use my true identity on these application forms, and so i am just regular, sexy, ridiculously good-looking bum, who has no priority on this god forsaken chemistry class, which has screwed up my life. And so i cannot apply for it today, i must wait till later, and see if any of the greedy first-year kids (all aspiring to be a doctor, but really most of them have no chance...i'm sorry i'm bitter, i really want them all to do well, bless their hearts) have left me some scrap chem space. If i do not get it, i am screwed and am forced to change all plans and go back to queen's. If i do get it, then i look forward to many a hard year in u of t.

But now i have accepted this fate, and i believe i am prepared for both situations. Either way I will be living in horrible living conditions, but it will make me stronger, or at least i hope so. But in a few hours i will choose those courses, in which a regular bum disguised prince like me have equal priority on. And if i can't get those, then I will cry, but I'm sure I will though.

Peace out to y'all.

~ You know who I am

The POWWWAH

I have kinda figured out how to upload images. Now.....there is no limit to my power! Mwaha, haha, haha!!!

The new place...

Hello dear readers,

Lonely be you, for you be here reading my blog. Lonely be I, for I be here writing for this blog.

Anyways.......So as you know, I live in a new house. Now I will describe this house to you. It is small. Much smaller than befo'. It has only a living room, unlike my old house which had living, family and rumphouse room (I'm not quite sure that is the proper term for a basement equivalent to a family room, but I have heard that befo', and so that's what I call it). We previously had 3 sets of sofas, but we sold two, and are left with the big-ass comfy ones. Unfortunately, I preferred the recliners, which we sold. I cried that day.....I really did.....

When I first saw the new house, I thought the rooms were huge. But now that its not empty, its freakin small. Previously I had chosen one of the three rooms on the bottom floor. I assumed my parents would sleep in the upstairs suite, but instead they put their bed in the room which I had chosen. Not wanting to sleep in the room next to my parents, for they snore far too much, and their hearing is more finely-tuned in their sleep, I chose the upstairs room. However, I sacrificed a big bed for a better location, and my own bathroom.

Having your own bathroom is nice. I missed those days. When I was in university, my brother would always steal my cologne from behind the mirror in the bathroom. I had this set of many small bottles of various calvin klein scents, but one in particular was very special to me. Eternity. For those boys that don't know about cologne, but are tired of their sick-ass Swiss Army crap or Brüt, listen to Dr. Maj and buy Eternity by Calvin Klein. For whatever your purposes, just do it. Hey, would I steer you wrong? Anyways, I had a full bottle of Eternity, my brother got a hold of it, two days later, only a quarter of it left. He doesn't realize that you are supposed to just dabb it on, he just showers himself in it. But it lasts forever and smells very good. 

So yeah, the moral of the story is, don't share your bathroom. Anyhoo, the new house is small, though it is passible considering my living conditions in university, where I had only 4 forks. And if I can adjust to that, well then I can do anything, then can't I? I miss my old house though (even though I am currently in it, writing this to y'all), It has both sentimental and monetary value to me. It was my only home that I can remember, for it was built for me, cause my old house had no room for such a fatty fatty fat fat baby. And so in a way, it was my house, my home, my friend...*sniff*...

But it is time to move on now. I must look to my homeless future, and hope that one day i can finally call some place my home again. It may be a long time, but as long as there are recliners waiting at the other end, it will be worth the effort.

I thank you all for coming here to join me for my story. That's right, all two of you. Adam and Nigel. I may not be able to post as frequently as nigel, but I sure as hell can post more than scott jones. And that indeed is all that matters in the end. Good day to y'all.

~ Michael Jordan, PhD

Why have I created one, you ask?

Good Evening dear readers,

After much delay, and weeks of verbal abuse from friends that have previously created blogs, I have started my own weblog. Did I give in to the peer pressure, you ask? No, I did not, for I really care not for a blog, but at least now I can share my wisdom, my stories, and my ideas with you all.

The true reason for the establishment of the Prince Ali (PhD) blog, is that I am extremely bored right at this very moment. Why am I bored, you ask? It is because, I have nothing to do in my home, for their is literally nothing in this home, but a far too powerful for itself computer (perhaps I will tell you someday about how i was screwed by clever computer salesmen), some nestea, and vegetable thins by the always enjoyable (sometimes controversial) Mr. Christie. I am moving to a new house, a house that will not be my home, and therefore I have no more home. This makes me sad.

Is the world ready to read my words? I highly doubt it. But I shall write for those that dare to read, and for them, may my words bring hope and happiness to your lives.

Love,

~ Prince Ali, PhD

By popular demand, I have created a blog

There Mr. Stewart I have created a blog, you happy now?